confession

 fell in love with this boy two years ago. It was a normal day. I got picked up from school early and when I got home, my friend told me to text a number, so I did. She gave me the wrong number, though, the wrong number that lead me to him. I soon got a text back saying it was the wrong person and I replied that I was sorry, and from there, we started talking. We found out we lived about ten minutes away from each other, but had totally different social groups. He was rich, I was from the middle class. We talked the whole day, and then that night when I got his screen name on AIM we talked for hours and hours and couldn't stop talking. We talked about music, life, interests, everything. I felt like I had known him my whole life when really I had only known him a few hours. After a while, I said that I had to go and he asked me "What would you say if I asked you out?" I said, "I don't know, why don't you find out?" And he asked, "Would you be my girlfriend?" to which I said, "Yes." So he and I began our relationship. He was in Santa Barbara for Spring Break and I was just starting mine. A week later, I met up with him at the Galleria. I was so nervous that day, I wore tight jeans, a shirt that said "Peace Is The Way," some suspenders hanging from my jeans, and converse with no socks. He was wearing a black shirt with normal skinny jeans. He was tall, blonde, and very handsome. When we walked into the movie theater, I didn't know what to expect. But when the movie started, I sure did. With that first kiss, I knew that he and I would be together for a while. I knew that I had found someone that I would always want to be with... And from that day forward, I have loved him with all of my heart and soul. I would honestly take a bullet for him. Eight months into our relationship, he went to San Diego for Thanksgiving weekend to spend time with his family. He ignored me all weekend, and when he got back, he didn't try to talk to me. And when he finally did (over AIM), he broke my heart and broke up with me... Twenty minutes before I find out my Grandpa dies. I was cold, heartbroken... I couldn't fathom what had just transgressed. It took me a couple minutes to realize that I had lost the two most important people in my life right then and there. He and I kept in touch. He told me everything would be okay, and that we would get back together once everything settled down for him. That was the only thing that kept me from crawling under a rock and just dying then and there. Then two months after we broke up, I came home from school to find in my facebook inbox a message from his facebook account. But it wasn't him sending the message, it was his girlfriend that he "forgot to mention." She sent me a video of them making out for twenty seconds - the most heartbreaking twenty seconds of my life. I just sat there playing it over and over and over until I realized that she wasn't me. I was without him, and they were both happy. He was happy. Without me. We stopped talking after rumors had spread around and everyone started hating me. I had no friends. I was heartbroken and depressed and lonely. I tried killing myself, but I couldn't find the will to do it. Something or someone stopped me. I would always find myself checking his facebook to see if they were still together, and every time I looked, every time for a fucking year and a half I looked, and when the paged loaded I had hope. Every single time my hope was crushed. Until one day I checked his facebook and saw that they had broken up. I wanted so badly to message him, but I couldn't find the courage to do it. So I waited about two weeks, then finally messaged him apologizing for all the times I had lied, cheated, and hurt him. He told me it was okay and it didn't matter anymore. And we started talking again. We met up within two weeks of talking again, and everything had changed. He had changed; he had gotten taller, more handsome, older, more mature. We walked and talked down Ventura Blvd until we found ourselves at our old "secret spot." We stood there for 45 minutes talking. It was so overwhelming. Memories came flooding back, feelings rushing back. When I was with him, all I thought about was him and nothing else. Right then and there I realized, he's the most important thing in my life and I need to keep him there. Yeah, we hooked up. I spilled my guts to him. I told him I never stopped loving him and how much I missed him. He said the same thing. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy for taking him back and letting him into my life again. Tell me that he and I are meant to be and he's the one I'm supposed to be with. I can't even believe that he's in my life again. I love him more than anything...